03.01.05
Oscar Review

The tardiness regarding my Oscar write-up can be attributed to the fact that the awards fell smack in the middle of the First Annual Hunter S. Thompson Memorial Lost Weekend. However, I think I can squint and recall a few highlights through the vodka-and-Midori haze:

Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actress, Best Supporting Actor: Well, once again my dorky and obnoxious (but effective!) system predicted this sweep. I haven’t actually seen the movie yet, but I hear it’s a lot like Rocky, only with a happier ending.

Best Supporting Actress: Cate Blanchett for The Aviator was kind of a gimme- Katharine Hepburn was beloved, sassy and recently deceased. The Aviator also picked up awards for Costume Design, Art Direction and Cinematography (love that faux two-strip Technicolor) and Editing (also love that plane crash in Beverly Hills.)

Best Actor: Also a gimme. Jamie Foxx played a crippled black man! A real-life crippled black man! Who constantly discouraged his back up singers from doing heroin! Um… did I mention that Curtis (Booger) Armstrong?

New Format: This year, the lesser awards were given away in the audience. (“Sorry, Documentary Short Subject Nominees, we need to get Adam Sandler and his entourage down front.”)

Chris Rock: Well, I do remember laughing heartily. He also seemed to keep things moving, since even my father stuck around to the end of the broadcast.

Celebrity Death Parade, Or: Most Beloved: Marlon Brando.

Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award: This came on late in the evening, and I got all excited because I thought a posthumous award was being given to Russ Meyer, at which point I spilled a glass of something brown (Pepsi? Gravy?) on the front of my pants. I found new pants, and when I got back to the TV it turns out that the award actually recognized Roger Mayer of Turner Entertainment Co., for his work in film preservation. Which is also a worthy, if marginally less-exciting cause.

Mr. Wiggles Award for Best Ensemble Performance: The bunnies in Vincent Gallo’s Brown Bunny.