Donuts Be My Destiny

Damn you to hell, Tim Horton’s, and all of your sugar-laden snack treats!

In the past year or so, the Canadian chain has been leaching across the border and into Rochester. Now, normally, I eat pretty healthily and don’t have a problem avoiding junk. Tim Horton’s, however, found my weak spot: cuteness!

(Michelle: “Molly acts like she’s such a badass, but then you find out that she has a pet bunny and she named it ‘Mr. Wiggles’.”)

Now, on their own, donut holes are fairly ordinary. I bet these days they play second fiddle to more XTREEM treats at snacktime, like those cookies that have name-brand candies mashed into them, or possibly fluorescent green pudding.

Tim Horton’s sells their donut holes in packs of 10, and they come in their own tiny cardboard carton! Eeee! So cute! They make me want to put on my Hello Kitty hat and go to a rave, where I will make boys like me by handing out donut holes from my tiny cardboard satchel!

(“Boys already like you” says Mikie. “But wouldn’t they like me more if I was wearing kitty ears and handing out donut holes?” Even he can’t argue with logic.)

The downside, of course, is that they are horrible for you. When I looked up the nutrition information I almost threw up the box of 20 donut holes I had eaten the previous night, in an attempt to mitigate the quart of rum I had in my stomach and thus be able to drive home.